Thoughts // Motherhood

When I found out that I was going to be a mother, I really didn't know what to think. Growing up, you learn what a mother is; from your own, storybooks, movies, etc... but you really never sit and think about the kind of mother you will be, well I didn't at least! When I was pregnant with Alexander I had a lot of goals of what I wanted, some that weren't realistic and some that were. Having my sweet bundle of joy threw out everything I knew about being a mother. I was treading water and learning to hold my head above water. But, needless to say, everything I have learned has changed me for the better. My son has taught me patience; patience I didn't have before. Selflessness; which I was lacking. Love; a new level I am learning to grasp. Amazement; especially with all the things he learns. He has also taught me that I can't always plan everything and sometimes I need to just slow down and cherish these moments. I often found myself saying before he started crawling, "Oh I just wish he would crawl." Now, that he is, I do love it, but I am very glad I cherished the moments that he didn't and sometimes I wish I did more. Alexander comes to me for everything, but especially when he is fussy. He will crawl over to me and climb on me, those are the moments I have learnt are for me to slow down and cherish his young little self. 

Not only has he taught me to appreciate him as a baby, but also the world around me. He has rekindled in me my fascination for people. We all used to be this small and not know how to do the simplest things. I've learnt to cherish the hormonal weather where I live and the uniqueness of the world around me. I don't need materialistic things to keep me happy. Just my sweet family and an acute sense of wonder. 

My son is my world, I am with him all the time and it is absolutely one of the greatest blessings to me to be a mother. I will hold these memories in my heart forever. The snuggles and sweet smiles, the good and the bad, the curious and the sleepy. The things I will remember and he may not. Always remember that babies don't keep.

Thoughts on Motherhood // 2 Weeks of Change

At 3 in the morning when I saw the blue line all I could do is hold my breath as I walked into the bedroom where Cody was sound asleep. I contemplated waiting to tell him in the morning, or not even telling him at all, but within 5 minutes all I could do was blurt it out. He didn't react like I expected, he just said 'alright' and went back to bed. It still didn't seem real to me. It didn't seem real to me at the first doctor's appoint or even at the first ultrasound. I had such an easy pregnancy that everything didn't seem real to me. 

Except, at that moment when we were headed to the hospital and everything was about to change. That was the biggest moment of my life. Of Cody and I's life. Everything was changing. It was no longer just the two of us. When we left that hospital, it was the three of us. It was perfect and scary.

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. The late nights, the intimate moments of breastfeeding and having someone be fully dependent on us has given me a whole new appreciation for my mother. You have no idea how much love a mother has for her child unto you hold your own child in your arms. It's hard to explain, really. It's crazy. But, there is nothing I wouldn't do for my son. I love him endlessly. 

I was saying this was going to be a post on motherhood, but I've only been a mother for two weeks and I don't nearly know enough. But, I do know that I have a new appreciation for mothers and fathers and for love. I love my son more than anything in the world. But, I love his father that much more. The look on Cody's face when he looks at Alexander makes me extremely happy and my heart extremely warm. It's like a mini heart explosion every single time I look at them. My heart melts for them. That is a love that I have never known. I'm glad I do now.