At 3 in the morning when I saw the blue line all I could do is hold my breath as I walked into the bedroom where Cody was sound asleep. I contemplated waiting to tell him in the morning, or not even telling him at all, but within 5 minutes all I could do was blurt it out. He didn't react like I expected, he just said 'alright' and went back to bed. It still didn't seem real to me. It didn't seem real to me at the first doctor's appoint or even at the first ultrasound. I had such an easy pregnancy that everything didn't seem real to me.
Except, at that moment when we were headed to the hospital and everything was about to change. That was the biggest moment of my life. Of Cody and I's life. Everything was changing. It was no longer just the two of us. When we left that hospital, it was the three of us. It was perfect and scary.
The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. The late nights, the intimate moments of breastfeeding and having someone be fully dependent on us has given me a whole new appreciation for my mother. You have no idea how much love a mother has for her child unto you hold your own child in your arms. It's hard to explain, really. It's crazy. But, there is nothing I wouldn't do for my son. I love him endlessly.
I was saying this was going to be a post on motherhood, but I've only been a mother for two weeks and I don't nearly know enough. But, I do know that I have a new appreciation for mothers and fathers and for love. I love my son more than anything in the world. But, I love his father that much more. The look on Cody's face when he looks at Alexander makes me extremely happy and my heart extremely warm. It's like a mini heart explosion every single time I look at them. My heart melts for them. That is a love that I have never known. I'm glad I do now.